Saving Money

Having problems in these tough economic times?  Don't know what to do?

Stop wearing clothes.  Nudists got all the loot.

Space-Time Conundrum

James T. Kirk - Blogging in the future about the present before blogging was cool.  Only the captain can make it happen in all time zones at once.

Things That Do Not Belong in Your Mouth

I was listening to the radio the other day, and the host was discussing Asperger Syndrome.  I thought, "wow, I never want to eat the meat at that restaurant."

I went to a wedding where the reception featured traditional Chinese food.  Everything was seafood, except for the dessert.  It was a mango custard in the shape of a fish.  I had a hard time reminding myself that each bite was going to taste like an orange.

Growing up, people would say, "Mt. Dew makes your penis shrink!"  For anyone that would like a sex change operation, I am now taking applications.  My process is painless, involves no surgery, and I'm significantly cheaper than the competition.  I hope you like sugar.

On Man's Treasure

I was once walking along the streets outside my local mall on a hot day when I was approached by a transient:

"Hey, you want some of my soda?  You look hot."

I wasn't sure whether I should be disgusted by the contents of a dirty cup or wonder about the man's sexual orientation.  I may have been confused, but you can't fault the sales pitch and applaud the gentleman for his astute observation on temperature in relation to the human condition.

This all brings me to tonight's topic.  You've doubtlessly heard the phrase, "One man's trash is another man's treasure", but  I would like to add the following:  One man's trash is usually just a few steps from a trip to the dump.  The whole trash becoming treasure is really just marketing.

When I was moving from my house that I lived in during college, my housemates and I had an overload of couches.  The Goodwill was a few miles away, and we could only transport one at a time.  We took the couches outside near the house, put a "FREE" sign on them, and waited.  The couches sat for half a day.

As the resourceful students we were, we moved one couch a good distance from the house, then went into the house so we were out of view.  Soon, a truck raced up, two guys would jump out, and everything disappeared in seconds.  We began moving the rest of the couches one by one further from the house, and were successful in getting rid of a couch missing an arm, an orange loveseat that was missing springs, and another sofa that didn't survive 'the cat incident'.

I grew up watching Tom Peterson on TV, who always said, "Free is a very good price."

Well Tom, people are weird.

Hey look, free wood! Stop the car, we need to prepare for the months ahead!

Pull!

I am currently reading a most excellent book, Badass: A Relentless Onslaught of the Toughest Warlords, Vikings, Samurai, Pirates, Gunfighters, and Military Commanders to Ever Live.  In it, Mr. Thompson illustrates the many things people have tried flinging with a catapult.  This of course leads us to the natural question, "what types of animals can we launch?"  After all, the root word of catapult is cat.  When our predecessors discovered cats were too lazy to 'pult' anything, they attempted to 'pult' the cat.  This helped get rid of the cat, but it takes too many cats to really knock down any decent wall.


I'm really quite disappointed that medieval man didn't manage to develop the cowapult.  Imagine a flying bovine of death!  Horns work as a form of sights for aiming for bulls, and if the bull survives  - that's a angry heifer!  If you manage to load up a female, you can add splash damage!

Under the Sea

I had a bit of a struggle trying to come up with the title for my new practice here.  A name is everything, and The Doctor does not consider such things lightly.  I feel that Mental Intrusions was just fitting, as STRANGEOLOGY is partially the study of thoughts that are least expected.

While exploring other titles, it was necessary to pour over my own personal studies and consider how I might properly convey them in my work environment.  Some of these topics I have planned for our future lectures, but today I would like to focus on one in particular:

Underwater Cannibalism

Cannibalism is somewhat rare these days (I imagine it's due in part to the ethical and emotional ramifications, which does throw a cog in the whole process, doesn't it?).  Even more rare is the practice of dining on your fellow man while submerged.  Let's study the fearsome beauty of this aquatic carnivore.

Underwater cannibalism is practiced by small tribes living near locations where you find underwater volcanoes.  This helps to serve an important role in the underwater cannibal's habitat, as you will soon see.

The tribes, who commonly refer to themselves as 'schools' when hunting, will swim up to the prey and make passing swipes with sharp objects.  This confuses and wears down the game until it is safe for the school to prepare for cooking.

As previously mentioned, the tribes live near underwater volcanoes.  These lava-spewing land masses serve as a natural cooking device to boil the meat.  Not much is known about how the tribes are able to consume the meat without surfacing.  After the meal,  the bones gathered serve as building materials for living structures, hunting tools, or other necessities.

When an underwater cannibal dies, the tribe will strip the body down to the skeleton.  Great care is taken to transport the skeleton down to the volcanoes, where the extreme heat and lava cause a carbonization process.  The carbonized skeleton is retrieved and brought back to the tribe as a guardian spirit.

Here we see a tribe member next to the guardian spirit of his relative.  Boy, Grandpa sure was a happy fellow!

From the Desk of the Good Doctor...

Hello, hello, welcome! It seems we've just begun - and yet we have! Bear with me, this office of mine seems to be a bit out of place still. As I fumble about in my new surroundings here, I hope to educate you daily on the topic of

STRANGEOLOGY.

Do not be fooled, dear students, by what your web crawling searches may uncover. This topic is misunderstood (rightfully so) and requires a medical degree such as my own to properly reveal its wonders to you. We will confuse, we will make black into apples, we will compare apples to Tuesday, and discuss the finer points of amalgamated dichotomy.

So! Sit attentively, as you may just learn to know less!

"When I was young, my ringlets waved

And curled and crinkled on my head:

And then they said 'You should be shaved,

And wear a yellow wig instead.'

-Lewis Carroll